Over the years, I’ve spent a lot of time reflecting on the concept of the Five Love Languages: Acts of Service, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation. While everyone experiences and expresses love differently, I’ve come to realize that understanding our love languages is often less about romance and more about understanding ourselves.
For me, Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation have always carried the most weight.
Acts of Service isn’t about grand gestures. It’s the person who shows up when they say they will. It’s checking in when someone is struggling. It’s helping carry a burden without being asked. In many ways, service is love in motion. As a veteran, advocate, and someone who has spent years investing in others, I’ve often found that actions speak louder than promises.
Words of Affirmation matter just as much. Encouragement, honesty, accountability, and kindness have the power to shape how we see ourselves. Sometimes a few sincere words can stay with someone longer than any gift ever could.
Ironically, Physical Touch has often been the most difficult love language for me. When you’ve experienced mistrust, betrayal, trauma, or abuse, vulnerability doesn’t always come naturally. Trust isn’t something that appears overnight. It’s something built brick by brick, conversation by conversation, choice by choice.
That’s where my Emotional Support Animal, Calliope, has taught me more than I expected.
The way I speak to my dog matters.
Raising my voice doesn’t help her understand me. Anger doesn’t strengthen our bond. In fact, it usually creates the opposite effect. She responds best to reassurance, consistency, patience, and encouragement. She thrives when she knows she’s safe.
The more I pay attention to that relationship, the more I realize how much it reflects human relationships as well.
With Calliope, I practice Words of Affirmation every day.
“Good girl.”
“You did great.”
“It’s okay.”
“Come here.”
Simple phrases, repeated with kindness and consistency, build trust over time.
She also reminds me of the importance of Quality Time. Whether we’re going for a walk, relaxing at home, or simply sharing a quiet moment, those experiences strengthen a connection that isn’t built on expectations or conditions.
Pets have a unique way of helping us heal. They don’t care about old rumors, old mistakes, social status, or the masks we wear to survive. They respond to consistency, safety, and authenticity.
In many ways, that healing becomes preparation.
When we take the time to heal from old wounds, we’re less likely to carry those wounds into the next friendship, partnership, or family relationship. We stop projecting old fears onto new people. We stop expecting others to pay debts they never owed.
Healing isn’t about pretending the past didn’t happen.
It’s about making sure the past doesn’t control the future.
I think that’s one reason many people struggle with the work healing requires. Being alone with your thoughts can be uncomfortable. Facing old pain can be exhausting. It’s often easier to jump into the next relationship than it is to sit quietly and rebuild trust within yourself.
But healing first creates space for healthier connections later.
It allows your heart to soften without losing its boundaries.
It allows your mind to trust without ignoring red flags.
It allows your soul to recognize genuine love when it finally arrives.
Whether it’s through therapy, friendship, spirituality, family, or the unconditional companionship of a dog curled up beside you, healing is an investment worth making.
Because the healthiest relationships aren’t built by two people trying to save each other.
They’re built by two people who took the time to heal, learn, grow, and arrive as the people they were meant to become. ❤️🐾