Let’s Get Shady (Poetry)

Lately, I have a lot of words bobbling in my head like a bunch of bobble heads.
I wonder if I can find the words that need to be said.
I wonder how many of my poetic stories are going to go unread.  
Fuck it, because honestly, numbers don’t matter to me when it comes to the chances I take,
I refuse to lie in a bed that I never had an opportunity to make,
So I guess I’ll play some Eminem and keep pushing with this paper and pen.
Let’s spit some fuel on this fire.
Before you throw blame, don’t hate the player, hate the game.
Just because you’ve made it in the fast lane, don’t mean shit to me.
There’s a reason I have my own pace; to prevent something similar to this car chase.
But now we are playing bumper cars through a petty fucking rat race.
Time to find a new route from these circles and dead ends in this overly complex maze. 
I’m tired of it, but restless, because of how I have been wired.
A soldier in the battlefield trying to communicate in cypher,
I am bringing my artillery out. Just to show you that I’m a survivor.
How many of y’all am I preaching to? Show me how big the choir is by saving these words like a virus.
If you are ready to reach a new level, raise your hands!
If you are ready, let’s get shady.
If you are ready for me to turn up my voice, stand with me,
My generation lost army.

I’d rather burn down a whole house than be a small candle in a dark crowd.
It’s gotten to the extreme with the built up of these rain clouds.
Storms pass, but I am hearing the pounding of thunder and the sight of lightening.
A sign for it’s to get a bit louder with the demons hiding in my stone cold subconscious.
My denial of my alter ego has pissed her off. She’s about to knock the fucking door in,
and break herself free from the prison sentence I locked her up in.
Believe it or not, I too have an evil twin I have to fight with to tame down my sins.
I guess with my astrology sign, as a Gemini, it’s common to have a second side.
Unfortunately it just takes a lot for me to transition from Miss Jekyll to Miss Hyde.
But when it hits, it’s like a champagne bottle after shaking and pop, there goes the lid.
But enough of explaining all this shit.
I’ve had enough of allowing myself to become a doormat once again.
It sounds repetitive, again and again and again.
But I am going to keep repeating until you feel my pain!
My heart is permanently scarred and stained!
But I am stepping it up, like the mob and laying down my own laws for my fellow, generation lost.
If you are ready to reach a new level, raise your hands.
If you are ready, let’s get shady.
If you are ready for me to turn up my voice, stand with me,
My generation lost army. 
Ever thought no matter how hard you try,
It just ain’t enough for those critiquing your life?
I am done pleasing others that don’t support me in my joys or support my strife.
For all that just tells me to, “Just get over it.” Y’all can just jump off a bridge if you like.
I’ll do what I have to, to get the fuck out of here, even if it is to become a street bum in New York,
I am not made to work in a factory or a corporation. Whether you like it or not,
I’m made to just live my life and tell about it with a rhythmic, lyrical storm.
I have the charisma; I have the factors needed for my skills and art form.
If you really knew the true motivation of my goals…
Greedy for a better life, maybe, but you would be too if you were raised in “Bum-Fucked Egypt”
In a broken home, where there was nowhere to escape, except the back roads,
Which took you to just another reminder of why your home was so emotionally broke.
From alcohol and drug abuse to blood line confusion and the story goes on and on and on.
No surprise, I’m just one of those kids that felt unwanted throughout my childhood.
I didn’t know it would grow from a small story to an infamous book for all who’s often misunderstood.
2014©H.M. Gautsch

Won’t Knock Me Down (Poetry)

Say anything you want,
Not even sticks and stones can slow me down.
I’ll keep moving forward,                 
Even with broken bones.
Keep doubting my struggles and my progression.
It’ll only motivate me, fuel me,
Until more opportunities opens the windows and doors.
I haven’t made it to the top yet,
So I got to keep climbing these steps.
One by one, got to keep that in mind.
Until I see the sun shine through me and reveals my golden heart.
Keep the eyes on the prize.
These artificial lights and imprisoned fort,
Will no longer subdue me.
I formed freedom to roam the seven seas with this mentality.
Survival of the fittest is this,
This movement doesn’t include an elevator or an escalator.
If you are expecting a free ride,
You can just jump off,
This movement is a latter, not a slide.
Mama said, “Life won’t always be fair.”
So I got to keep God in my prayers.
You won’t knock me down, for I am David, and hatred is Goliath.
I will conquer, before I drown on strange tides of words.
You won’t knock me down,
I’ve become my own pilot,
Flying above the clouds in the skies, the stars are my compass.
Words spill out of my wounds,
Like a raging white river, the letters flow.
Turning negatives into positives with the pen I have surfaced.
You don’t like what you see?
Not my problem, only your insecurities.
2014 © H.M. Gautsch

#FoodForThought – The Miniature Horses Tried To Eat Me!

I haven’t been much of a chatter on my blog for awhile.. I apologize. I am busy trying to get my life situated permanently and it is not an easy thing. Especially for those who struggle from within regardless of the battle. I keep a lot of personal struggles to myself, even though I talk about my PTSD and my Medical Board process to be medically discharged from the military in just a broad aspect.

Recently I had a small fall through with not feeling like going anywhere with my life. It does get frustrating, because at times I feel I should be where I need to be at this particular moment, but then there are days, like today, to remind me that I still have work to do to get to where I want to be in my life. Failure only happens when you quit trying. I refuse to quit. My marshmallow peeps (my support system) knows that.

Writing has been very therapeutic for me, but this summer, I fell a bit away from my motivational habits. The solitude has been relaxing. That is when I had the opportunity for it. I am hibernating more this fall for school and my writing projects I been lacking on. Yes, that is right. I have returned to my publishing process for my second poetry book called, Underground Poetry. After that I can focus back on my novel stories, Psychological Demons & Twenty-One Days.

Along with my second publication will come with a sale on my first book and kindle version, as well as, a sale on my new book! Stay tuned! It’ll be released in the next few weeks!!

I am continuing to hibernate, because I have added to my PTSD treatment with Equestrian Therapy in Wisconsin. Every Wednesday I am traveling to a horse ranch for the therapy. This week will only be my third week, so I am only in the introduction stage with the horses at this moment. It was eventful this past Wednesday, as the miniature horses confused me with food and took a bite out of my shirt I was wearing. Horses are beautiful creatures, but it’s been about 16 years since I associated with any, so it is a bit intimidating at moments, like when I am at their blind spots. Maybe the horses can provide me inspiration with my stories I want to share or add flavor to my poetry and photography skills.

My next non-school project is re-editing my website to a more cleaner image, and I will start making  graphics for my poetry and quotes to express and share with my audience. Thank you for your support and patience. It’s back to work for me though. Summer is over.