The Road To Healing (Poetry)

Be the change, don’t wish for it.

I hear it over and over again.
I do what I can, when I can.
Damn, I try.
Finding my purpose in life.
Not an easy pathway,
But I think I’ve found the light.
A new day passes.
The end of the tunnel expands.
The sun rays, I feel on my skin.
Clouds creep from the distance,
Threatening the moment.
I throw out the umbrella; let the storm come.
I’m at the finish line, I’m done running.
Fists up, ready for what may come.
A passive lover turned aggressive fighter.
Wanting all that I’ve earned,
Accepting the gifts I’ve been given,
Using them to make for a better tomorrow.
The road to healing is turning its course.
Arise from the mercy of the knees,
Re-baptized by the Earthly rains.
2015 Copyright @ H.M. Gautsch
All Rights Reserved.

News From The Ranch


It’s back to the waiting game of being medically retired from the military now. Until then, I do what I can to stay on the surface of my life, even though I am currently beyond exhausted from trying to balance two jobs, school, military, and trying to start my own business.

At this moment, what keeps me focused is the thoughts of Montreal in June & the horses at the ranch. Due to insomnia issues, we changed my schedule for my equine therapy.

I showed the owner of the ranch my book cover I created for my next book and she loved it. She wants to make sure she gets a hand on a copy when it’s released.

Randy (my recovery coordinator out of McCoy) came to witness my therapy with Sterling. Randy asks me to be apart of a documentary type project to share my story with PTSD to put awareness to fight against the negative stigma in the military and to highlight the negative stigma of “candyland” at our local VA. The video project also will hopefully be a other step towards lowering and/or diminishing the suicide statistics in today’s veterans. I get to share my military & VA experience in this video project.

We want people to know there are healthier alternatives over the over medicating and having veterans becoming zombie-like and permanently ending important relationships. Equestrian is more beneficial because it allows veterans to accept their issues, learn how to cope with them, & move on from the past and have a healthy future in society.

As for working my therapy session, Sterling was easier to work with considering I was on time (even if the therapy session time changed itself) and he got a nap in prior. He was very intuitive with everyone around and kept close to me, guarding me again from who he thought to be strangers like he did when Mario & Deuce was in town.

We did an exercise where I made an alley way and had to identify two of my biggest obstacles with moving forward with the progression I had made since my start at the ranch. My two choices was home (since it’s time to move on to bigger things) & my heart (the most valuable thing in my life). Sterling kept eye contact and listened to my commands as we walked through the alley together. My heart was represented by grain & home was represented by hay. When Sterling passed the exercise, he went straight to the grain, symbolically asking to be a part of it. It was a beautiful moment in my eyes regardless of him nibbling on the bucket when the grain was all gone.

Still Dreaming (Poetry)

Dreams out weigh my harsh reality
From my visions,
I wish you could see me in my sleep
So why would I want to wake up
To the ugliness of this world, fuck.
I’d rather stay under my rock
and keep delivering you this art hop.
“Cold World, High Hopes”
My definition, my motto.
I don’t always think before I talk,
But I surely think before I write,
Pen, Pencil, or Chalk
Learning my goals, morals,
and ethical virtue as I draw words
that form into my walks.
Words never come empty though
Some come with pure emotions,
Causing my bipolar expressions,
Irony is this shit keeps me stable
When people try to tear me down
When people try to turn my existence
into a fable,
I reverse the power to my persona
and remain able to keep dreaming.

2015 Copyright @ H.M. Gautsch

Fallen Angel Part III

Death surrounds the fallen angel; a plague has spread through the hearts of the loved ones she once held dearly within her soul. Hades’ reindeer games continues to drain the powers of the angel’s redemption, however she presses forward with faith of finding her place.

Day by day, illusions become the truths of reality. Sadness overcomes emotions, as though, tears remain dry from the weathered skin. Little knowledge came to pass when Athena had thrown this quest to the angel. Little was revealed how long it would take the angel to find her way into this corrupted hallucination to find the purified justice that the blind has not forthwith.

As the angel presses on to a new destination, she leaves behind value that was inherited during her presence with the seasonal beings. Marching barefoot along the black top, as she watches her footing for the cracks created by the underground world slowly lifting itself to Midgard. Below are wicked laughter’s of Hell mocking her every word and movement to the next chapter in her journey. The continuation brings irritability to the angel’s emotions and fills her heart with anger.

(to be continued…)