Relationships

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Work over play.

Work over romance.
That’s my life, it’s my only chance.
I guess I am a harlot in the game of love.
No sex needed, just my wicked tongue is enough.
All it takes is one or two dates,
And they keep coming like it’s a cattle call.
Someday I’ll get it all right.
Until then, my heart remains uptight.
I fear of being to mummified with my PTSD,
I can’t even say, “I love you”
to the ones that are close to me.
I guess I successfully raised my heart from my sleeve.
It’ll take more than a week to let it proceed.
I guess it’s just meant to be, so let me be.
It is what it is I guess,
But I’d rather speak the truth than sugar coat the shit.
I got to follow my heart, the chemistry.
I’d rather be a best friend, not a queen.
Strong minded as I reveal a flaw,
I’d rather work for my own grind,
And not just be handed over gift and trips.
It’s my dreams and my opportunities I need to find,
Even if it’s on my own.
I need a companionship, not a money bind.
I’m taking the high road,
Even though people like to take my name into dirt.
Characters reveal themselves,
And you’re revealing you’re just another toad.
I know what I want,
If this poem is too high of a standard,
So be it, find someone else to pander.


There’s been an emptiness,
Inside of me.

It’s hard to explain it.
I should be over you by now.
It’s been over two years,
But my heart continues to disavow.
Loved ones come and go.
Because I can’t seem to find,
What I’m searching for.
Discovering you with a new lover.
I’ve tried,
But I can’t shed a new exposure,
From this old pain, this torture.
This treasure keeps digging deeper,
In some sand, off an island.
I’d go and hunt for my own gem,
But I seem to have lost the map.
Since you said goodbye,
I seem to have lost my pride.
I’m still waiting for,
You to come through the door.
My heart is too young to die,
But it hasn’t been able to revive,
I’ve force myself to mingle, 
But I haven’t been able, 
To take a bite,
Instead I only nibble.
Since you said goodbye.
If only you knew of the heart,
You borrowed.
How it’s become this morbid art,
From all the storms it’s weathered,
The blind love it wallowed,
And all the thorns it’s severed.
Lost love, not long ago,
I thought I found the one.
Was I a fool to fall for your status quo?
Very few know me through and through,
The few I’ve let in.
Construe of the scars,
Buried skin deep like tattoos.
Not meant to be removed,
But to shape my heart that’s allude,
To the heavens’, all the while, subdued.
Until then, it remains black and blue.
All because of me not getting over you.
Since you said goodbye,
I seem to have lost my pride.
I’m still waiting for,
You to come through the door.
My heart is too young to die,
But it hasn’t been able to revive,
I’ve force myself to mingle,
But I haven’t been able, 
To take a bite,
Instead I only nibble. 
Since you said goodbye.

Why I don’t want to get involved,
My heart still aches,
Screaming, “It’s only your fault,
when the relationships fall.”
I need to quit trying so hard,
Stop hiding behind this charred heart.
Focus on the nurture of things,
And not the nature it brings.

©H.M. Gautsch