Color-Blind (Poetry)

Late nights are the best nights to sort out my membrane,
Thoughts running through my head like a midnight train.
Thanks to the media circus and everyone’s opinions.
Of what’s right and what’s wrong.
See, I grew up being color blind,
So I don’t understand these racist remarks.
I never understood the difference between the shades of skin.
Black, copper, or white. 
See, I grew up in a melting pot of cousins, from different generations.
I’m trying to explain this while sitting in a coffee shop,
Contemplating these rhymes, as I jam out to my second cousin,
A biracial artist that exposes conflicts that are unfurled, personal or interracial.
He’s finding himself in the Hip-Hop world,
Damn right, I’m proud of my own blood,
Addressing the audience his visions, his dreams, his lyrical flood,
A creative outlet to get rid of the inner mud. 
Welcome to my world, my color-blind world.
Multitasking, welcome to my revolting mind.
I go back to my diverse family and now thinking of my first cousin,  
She never goes short on her Native American pride.
I even have my own personal aboriginal beliefs and spirit deep within my vibes,
Bona fide. 
An ex of mine was part of the Northern Cheyenne tribe,
I was adopted by the teachings and life.
Went by the name of “Too Tall” due to my height.
Bottom line, no matter what color is our exteriors,
We still all bleed red within ourselves.
We all shed the same tears,
Our genetics go beyond thousands of years,
Find the truth in these words, instead of fears.
I’m a black sheep, I was never made to tell you what you want to hear.
And I won’t apologize for the topics you need to hear.
We aren’t just connected through our families, but also our peers.
Don’t be afraid to change the teachings of your scholars.
Find your x-ray super powers and surpass the skin color. 
Welcome to my world, my color-blind world.
©H.M. Gautsch

#FoodForThought Friday – Social Media Chaos

Another good cause going viral becomes the target of the society that is never satisfied with life.

I took a half a week off from social media after I did the Ice Bucket Challenge for the awareness of ALS aka Lou Gehrig Disease. From my perspective, it was a meaningful challenge, but I couldn’t help but notice more of the negative reactions from the videos that have made the awareness go viral. It’s the negative shit that makes me want to just disconnect at times.

“Wasting good drinking water!”

“Why don’t you donate instead the ice bucket challenge!?”

“$15 million?? That’s all!? If all the celebrities donated with their ice challenges, ALS would have had made more than $15 million.” etc… etc…

Being an individual who is being opinionated about people doing the challenge for the cause without doing it yourself, you have no say. It’s like voting, you can complain all you want, but actions are always going to weigh over the words that come out of your mouth.

Just because the ALS challengers don’t post that he/she are donating to the ALS doesn’t mean they aren’t. One, you don’t have valid information considering you do not have access to his/her bank accounts. Two, not everyone remembers every detail that needs to be said on the video. What is sad is humanity has become too hungry for paper money that doesn’t weigh near the gold value that it use to. Humanity has become lazy for that reward as well. Majority has just expected for the money to fall into their laps without the hard work that goes into it.  Empty greed in my view. Believe it or not, there is more to life than money.

Another aspect of this is, ALS is one of countless problems in this world. We all have our own passions when it comes to giving back to the communities and/or environments, same with celebrities. Actually taking the time to through awareness to others, is actually a step towards the benefits of ALS finding a cure.

I hate to shine a new light, due to his recent behavior, but even Justin Beiber has a strong credential list when it comes to charities and non-profit organizations. Unfortunately, celebrities are set on their priority when it comes to the donations and volunteering they do when it comes to good Samaritan deeds. Media doesn’t portray it. It is not on the paparazzi’s list of agenda. The only the crap listed on their agenda is the crap you see in magazines and news media. Sorry, not sorry.

If everyone could do everything when it comes to making this world a better place, we would. God knows I continue to try and there are times that I do wipe myself out emotionally and physically, because I still haven’t learn to keep some of my priorities in check. I always give more than what I receive, but don’t mistaken me for a doormat. I wouldn’t be writing this post, if I didn’t feel social media needed a reminder that not everyone is desensitized from the world. Not yet, anyways.
Bottom line, at the end of the day, instead of complaining about the world, do something yourself for a change, even if it is something small like the “Ice Bucket Challenge.” The small deeds will add up towards the rewards you can reap later in life, but patience is key here. Things don’t exploit overnight. A factor that provides proof that time is much more precious than paper money. Take it or leave it.

Despite Other Peoples Doubts, You Have To Believe In Yourself

No one has the ability or strength to walk in your own shoes. Therefore, they have no right to judge you or how you do things in life. Stick to your own lane when it comes to chasing your dreams.

That is how you will keep your own grasp on whatever success that may come in your path. If you start believing in other people’s words about you, you will NOT finish the race.

Nobody in society are on the same level in the journey in life, so if you are on a higher level, don’t look down on people, unless you are willing to help them up, yourself.

I wrote my wishes the other day, if I was able to be gifted such opportunity. You know what those three wishes were? Let me share those wishes with you for a minute…

  1. … I wish everyone had the ability to become fearless with their own life and go out into the world and educate themselves on the sights, sounds, emotions, and languages of the world and other species with an open heart and mind.

  2.  … I wish people could wake up and realize their struggles are a blessing more-so than a step back on life. Especially in the more developed and rich countries. The journey for happiness and Utopia isn’t meant to be easy, or the life span of a human being would be a lot shorter.
  3.  … I wish for more strength, concentration, and perseverance, (someday without my medications, permanently) to continue on the road I’m on to change the world through my own footprints, without the worries and concerns of growth in the “selfish assumptions” with my life. That is not what my message is about.

Now, with that being said, what is going on in Marie’s world these days? Why has she been a bit, “silent”? 

It’s no secret that I been busy with my own life, at my own level.

Front cover for my second poetry book.

I returned back to college, sooner than I expected. I have made the initiative to look for a treatment facility, among the number of local doctor appointments, for my PTSD. With that announcement, I shall publicly announce, I am in the long process of a medical discharge from the military. 

I am finishing up my first poetry book, to send it to the publishing ranks this week. I also already started to put together my second poetry book (here’s a sneak peak of the book cover as follow).
I am also continuing my therapy of music producing (mediocre level), writing on my novel projects “Twenty One Days,” and “Psychological Demons”, and planning my photo shoots with my Chi City Inc University team in Chicago for future dates. 

So with all that being said, I am up to my neck with homework, medical documents, music, and writing. All the while, I am trying to balance the stories and thoughts that are floating around in my brain. This is why I am sticking to my own lane, because right now, I have full control of what I have got going on in my life. 

I envy  those who are farther in their dreams than me, but I also know you worked hard to get where you are at, despite of the obstacles and construction, you yourself have gone through. And if you are not as far as you would like to be, don’t give up hope. Life will fall into place once you are ready. God wouldn’t want it any other way. 

Until next time…

Close-Mindedness Is More Common Than You Think<— I am curious how many individuals disapprove of Macklemore's performance at the Grammy's. Do you disapprove because YOUR bible says so? You know the one God "wrote?" Or do you disapprove of it because a STRAIGHT guy from the majority pot is standing up for the LGBT community? -Or my bad – the Lesbian/Gay community and "equal rights."

I can relate to Macklemore with this song to a point. My thoughts and curiosity came later in life due to a few people in high school telling me who I was and I was idiotic enough to believe them, because I didn’t know better, nor did I ever experience the world past the small hick towns I grew up in, until my senior high school. Thank you to my teacher, Mrs. Perry, for the NYC trip, experience, and opportunity for me to open the door to a bigger world!
NEWSFLASH! The “lesbian” phase didn’t stop my attraction from men, ever! It was never really just a “lesbian” phase either; fore I had my share of boyfriends AND girlfriends in high school and in the military. Does everyone know my detailed history on my personal relationships? No. Does everyone need to know the detailed history, uh no. That’s beside the point. The point is for this blog post is what I came across on the Facebook feed today. This video:

Now, a lot of gays/lesbians would disagree about the outrage against Macklemore, but I can see the possibilities of this happening. Maybe my viewpoints are a bit biased, but my experience(s) and quite a few of my other friends within the LGBT community can probably do it justice as well. I didn’t distant myself from the community due to my own personal choices and changes. Nor did I distant myself due to the calling of God and religion. I distant myself due to the arrogants of some of the people who feel that if you aren’t gay or lesbian, you don’t belong in the community.

I don’t know if it’s a competition problem within the community or what, but sadly the LGBT community is more broken within itself, than it is with the rest of the world. I’ve come across more straight folks who accept transgenders/transsexuals, bisexuals, especially myself and my past, more than I have come across open-mindedness of gays or lesbians.

I also benefit from a family who never disowned me, during my phase of the unknowing of myself. I didn’t always get everyone’s support, but the unconditional love always remained in my family.

For those who doesn’t have that luxury, I do apologize and pray that you find a beautiful extended/adopting family who can take you in and love you and support you unconditionally, because no one should live in this world, alone. For the families who has the balls and disgrace of disowning a child or a family member just because they may be gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transsexual, fuck you!

Now, everyone knows I’m an activist for equal rights for all of my minority friends, whether they are gay, lesbian, transsexual, bisexual, African American, Hispanic, Latin, etc. Why, since I was basically outcasted when I chose the road I wanted in the relationship department in my small community? Basically because of the cliche, just because there are a few bad apples in a tree, doesn’t make the whole tree bad. If it wasn’t for my “extended” family in the LGBT community, who has excepted me for who I am and always been by my side through the dark hours of my life, I probably too would be full of hate for the whole community, myself. 

Bottom line: The people in my life have helped me realize that hate is not apart of me, nor will ever be regardless what may come in any situation. I will continue to stand for equal rights, regardless of anyone’s argument on this matter.

And for the individuals who discriminate within the LGBT community, you have no right too. In order to earn respect, you have to give it. In order for the community to be a whole, you have to learn to co-exist, before you can co-exist with the rest of the world. I hope this blog finds you forgiveness and love. Reality has spoken.

Until next time…

See… What Had Happened Was…

All jokes aside for a minute. A debate with an ex of mine, who I actually met, via online, via MySpace, about eight years ago had inspired this blog. Mind you, if I never experienced the advice I am about to give through the life I lead, it wouldn’t be really efficient. Would it?

Note, before I was even civil with this particular ex, we went through hell and back, regardless of the side you want to take on the events. It took YEARS to just end the love/hate relationship with the drama it involved and just be mutual without the jealousy and soap opera episodes.

Due to these experiences, I firmly found the belief of letting relationships flow naturally and not online dating, so to speak. It took a few rounds on social networking to wake up to the fact, but this day and age, you won’t see me getting flustered by not finding “the one” over an online dating profile. The fact I am focused on getting my own life together permanently has also been my priority.  If someone was meant to be in your life permanently, it’ll happen in your journey outside of the internet whelm. The fact that I keep more in touch with those I have met outside of the social world and in person, exes included, than those I have met through MySpace or other networks should tell you enough of how my life is lived.

Now let me clarify, I am not completely against networking online. I am actually very blessed to have the opportunities to connect with the individuals, mostly business relevant, I have come across through social media and keep in touch with my friends across the world. It would be hypocritical of me to say… “Hey, I am totally against the internet!”… When with my own career I’m trying to plant a foundation for, provides umpteen amounts of internet services, hours, and marketing to get my name and works out across the world. Networking in my field is very important, but again, it’s business, not personal. Not everyone is capable of differentiating those two.

However, there is a just to this whole speculation. Online dating sites or using the internet primarily for relationship purposes. Yeah, they bring more relationships together, but can someone tell me the statistics of how many of those relationships stick out in the end or the percentage of online dating and marriage draws divorces?

That was another portion of the debate. As I am one who is very spectacle of marriage and the meaning of it in this day and age. Paper, pen, and money. That’s all that’s valued in a marriage anymore, that is why I don’t believe in it, for the most part. I don’t see myself walking down an aisle in a white gowned dress in the future, even though I have friends who claim I will.

Another thing I don’t understand is honestly, how does one fall for just a two-dimensional profile of one’s account on either dating sites, Facebook, Twitter, Google+, etc. If I could go back and remember, I was ignoring the red flags of an individual and paying more attention to the surveys and questionnaires of someone to see the compatibility rating.

If you are doing that at this moment, please stop. If not, I understand that in life, to each their own. From my own experience, that’s how I fell so easily in the past. Pictures may say a 1,000 words, but they can also say a 1,000 lies at the same time.

It’s not only easy to photo shop nowadays, it’s also easy for one to fill out fake information than to be honest and upfront from the beginning. I think Brad Paisley’s song, “Online.” has a better visual on that argument. I have come across individuals on dating sites and other social websites that are hesitant on the realism of their own lives. It’s hard not to question those individuals or even trust them, when online, they don’t have any reality to show. Especially when those individuals avoid meet and greets with a number of people, for whatever reason they seem to display at the time and day.

Nowadays, if I do come across a new individual via internet, I am very cautious. I ONLY have ONE personal account, so don’t ask me via Google+ or Twitter if I am single or not, or, for my phone number, because you won’t have it. Like I said in a previous paragraph, it’s business. On my marketing accounts, I  portray as little of my personal life, or clarification of my relationship statuses, as much as possible. I know how social networking can easily portray insecurity and misapprehension to one person or a couple and destroy the relationships. I see it daily. So, I keep those particular two parts of my life out of the spotlight for the safety, privacy, and respect for those in my life to the best of my abilities.

The rest of the personal events I throw in my art is primarily for inspirational and motivational purposes. I am a combat veteran with PTSD, I have been bullied in school, etc.. etc. I am publicizing my artistic abilities to be a beckon, or a lighthouse, so to speak, for those lost ships that are out battling the same tides that I am currently or had fought in the past. Main focus is to awake those who struggle in life that suicide is not the answer. Never is. Nothing else. My Eminem phase is over. I want to inspire lives with the best way I know how too. That’s through my writing and art.

Now let me end this note on Brad Paisley’s “Online”…