What isn’t discussed enough are the people who fall for that tired line:
“I’m separated from my wife right now. I never told anyone that before.”
If your marriage is struggling, do not run to another man or woman—whether your interest is heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or otherwise. If you are questioning your sexuality, gender identity, or what you truly want from the relationship, be transparent with the person who loves you. Go to counseling or therapy. Have the difficult conversations instead of using another human being as an escape from them.
Remain faithful and committed until the relationship has honestly and officially ended.
Good hearts and good reputations get destroyed because someone else lied, manipulated the situation, and conveniently avoided responsibility. When deception turns into unwanted pressure, intimidation, coercion, or nonconsensual contact, it can cross the line into sexual harassment or sexual violence—including assault or rape.
And do not underestimate the good men who have done the work to help keep a woman safe—whether that is a father figure, brother, trusted friend, or future husband who genuinely gives a fuck about what happens behind closed doors. You may have no idea whose boundaries, safety, and loyalty you are testing when you choose the wrong woman to manipulate.
I speak about this for the women and transgender people who have been harmed, misled, or left carrying the shame created by someone else’s toxic behavior as I have been a victim myself in the past. Some have left crumbs, while others have gotten away free from the system’s grip and still walk free.
One truth about me remains unchanged: I have never cheated. When the math stopped adding up, I ended things. Since then, I have watched some very interesting tides turn—and, perhaps, return—while I simply continued doing what I knew was right. I never needed to mock another person’s love life or destroy someone else’s name to protect my own. Nor have I ever stood in mystery of my own identity to foreclose information or events I share.
Not every situation is as black and white as loud mouths have made it sound. Sometimes the person being judged was working with lies they were deliberately told. It’s unfortunate when folks don’t have all the facts when high school bullshit unfolds the rumors.
Tread carefully around other people’s relationships, reputations, boundaries, and hearts. You rarely know the whole story—and eventually, the truth has a way of exposing who was honest and who was playing games.