What Do I Title This Shit?

Before I wrote my last post, I told my fan page that I would write on a particular issue/topic. I failed on the last post. It’s not an easy topic for a lot of my followers. Trust me, it’s not an easy topic for me as a PTSD survivor. As an outspoken comrade who is trying to not only bring light and understanding to PTSD/MST, I’m also trying to help other women veterans to stand up and speak out. I know there is more than me who have accepted their PTSD or other health issues from overseas. I’ve had my clashes with walls, unfortunately. Of the uncomfortably and denials, a lot of friendships have resulted as ghosts in my life. For example, one minute I would get news that I would be able to be apart of a video or two. The next, no words, no response, nothing.

The same ghost reactions goes with my book. I guess the broken news is, I won’t be using my photography of the horses, where I did equestrian therapy. I am playing it safe, even though I had verbal permission, if it’s not documented, I’m not playing with that possible fire. I’ll still finish writing my story and poetry in this series, but I won’t be able to use the photos. That means too, a new book cover, which I will create considering my book designer is also MIA. It may seem that the forces are trying to stop me, but I will battle on to get my story out.

People can still fucking doubt me. I give nothing to those who do. My medical documents and military records provide my evidences. I won’t flaunt it though, because I am not that type of individual. I will say this though, the military didn’t retire me honorably back in May, because of bullshit on their end. My story is my strength. I can admit the challenges go beyond the military (inside info for my LFN fans/friends, my choices and challenges are similar to Nikita’s story before Section). At the end of the day, the military developed my strength and courage to tell my story with no precautions.

What annoys the fuck out of me is how females are overlooked as veterans. I hear stories over and over again, especially with service dogs. Stop assuming the dog is the veteran and accept that there are females in this world who struggles and witness shit in war. Before the military accepted us in the artillery and infantry units, we held our own overseas in the ‘front line’ with duty on the Entry Control Points, Transportation, Guard Tower Duty, etc.

We too have lived on bases in Iraq and Afghanistan with happy trigger terrorists who enjoys rocketing and mortaring our bases on a day to day basis. We too deal with hardships and broken relationships back home while we were overseas. How about those nurses and doctors who work day and night to try and save those injured in the line of duty? Not all were men. Stop acting like war doesn’t effect us. Point blank. It is time to speak up, ladies! It’s time to raise our voices!

Behind The Scenes Movement

This past year, I am reflecting my movements. It may seem 2015 was a doozy overall due to not uploading new sounds or publishing new books yet, but this year also came with many changes in my life beyond the art and stage platform. I am safe to say I am adjusting fire as I am learning new knowledge behind the social media, web design, and interface platform. It won’t be until spring semester that I get more in tune with classes that build my knowledge onto video production, journalism, and documentary writing. 

This semester included me reactivating my Pinterest for Computer Graphics and started a Tumblr page to blog more random shit for Interface Design. At the end of semester, if permitted, I want to delete my Pinterest, but keep Tumblr. I see a pattern with writers using Tumblr more than other social platforms. I, myself, can’t keep up with all this mumbo jumbo with social media, but linking accounts does wonder. Just need to adjust fire, so I am not flooding all my accounts online. 

It can get frustrating when nothing is for show on the social platform, however many people forget that there are many more steps behind this screen that I need to work on before I can present my mind within my film goals. I also want to invest in more technology, before I go big or go home.

College is a priority, as writing continues to be a second. With winter break approaching, I can bring my camera out a bit, but right now it’s put away for the pre-production education that is a necessity in the video production world that I am working hard to bring myself too. There is no failures allowed in this journey. I won’t allow it or allow anyone to try to get in my lane and serve me away from my goals.

I am also brainstorming my travel preparations for 2016 and for networking and building purposes, bringing myself back into the drag community as a promoter for pageants, etc. The sky is the limit, but we have the whole universe to embrace. Open your arms for the opportunities that come with life.

Now, french fries are calling my name before I walk my happy ass to my last class of the day.