|Working on “relationship issues” by
working on my relationship with Sterling.
Equestrian therapy has been an intervention for me in a sense. A relationship intervention mainly in hope to being able to trust again fully to open myself up and fully be comfortable to be naked with my soul mate someday (I’m not talking sexually either). I seem vulnerable, because I am an unfiltered individual. It has it’s advantages and disadvantages.
Especially when you were told that children are raised to be seen, not heard. I never could take that outlook likely. I still don’t, but from positive role models in the public eye, I learned myself that actions speak louder than words and words can be powerful even if they are selective in deliverance. You just need the skill set to be persuasive. It’s easier when actions are backed up by your words.
Anyways, I had time to think outside the box a bit today considering my therapy session was light-hearten by freelance photography and interaction with the other horses throughout the pastures. Not sure if Sterling was truly happy to have the day off unannounced or not.
The advantage of today was to think of how other PTSD survivors cope with their life, because reality, we all don’t really heal fully back to our original selves, prior to the events that changed our worlds. We just learn to cope with it.
For me, I cope better due to knowing my comfort and my passions that are outlets to my anguish. For others, dogs do wonders. For me, it’s my relationship with horses. I can’t describe it, it was mystical since the day I placed my foot on ground here at Trinity. Yeah, I have dogs for pets. There for home remedies only, not social remedies. Again, that’s the horses’ job.
When it comes to socializing with friends, I have to keep my small circle close and the bar to be pretty much empty. I close up when random drunk strangers are in presence. This is why I barely go out anymore except to my regular spots in town during the week. The weekend is out of the question when it comes to socializing in public. Another reason why you see me very seldom go to concerts or big events, and if I go, I have to be in reserve seating and not on the floor with mosh pits or large crowds. Why I prefer country music concerts, less chaos. Give me a few friends and a bonfire. I am set. Just don’t try to persuade me to drink and the night is perfect.
Other survivors are more sensitive when it comes to being unfiltered. Other survivors don’t have a problem getting on stage and doing a speech without panic attacks. Other survivors need large crowds and can’t handle being alone. Other survivors need service dogs to assist them. This is just a reality of people handling their coping mechanisms differently. I can be alone, because as a geek I can keep myself company with coffee, and my favorite films, books, & music. Thank the Lord for allowing me the gift of appreciation to the arts and entertainment industry.
I try not to judge anyone’s journey or weaknesses, for I understand. I just ask for you to not to judge mine.