Proof that evolution is part of life is when you live in the very moment and not worry about what others feel about you. I am not going to lie. There are times I am concerned about how people look at me, but as I get older, I surely learn that my comfort in my own skin and my confidence is the key to success, not the fandom or the number of friends you possess.Be true to your heart, that’s how you find the valuable individuals in your life.
As I grow, I develop and magnify different individuals in the artistry business from drag queens, to fashion designers, to hip-hop artists, etc. I am not trying to compare myself to anyone, because I am my own unique spirit, but I can honestly relate my own life experiences with the combination of Lady Gaga, Macklemore, & Eminem. Now, that’s a mix in my view. A huge mix of mystery.
Who else makes me feel like I am not alone. Tyler Perry aka Madea. It’s okay to be yourself and not a cop out of someone else. It’s okay to have heroes and inspirations to look at to try and improve yourself as your own person, but it is surely boring to try and be exactly who they are. It’s especially stressful when someone else tries to shape and make you into a person you are not meant to be, but I still fight against the grain each day.
Never once did I doubt about being myself, because it felt right at the time and place. Now, I can say I doubted society, but I have learned that no matter what you do with your life, you can’t always please everyone. Thanks to a few inspirations in my own life, I have and am still learning how to be myself and not giving a damn what others think. Unfortunately, with the gold heart, it’s hard to surpass sometimes. This damn heart tends to give too many shits to people who aren’t really worth it. That fact is what I am still trying to control and manage. I am also educating myself with the precise moment in time is NOW. I use to live in such a way back in the day.
Now, people would debate about this blog and how I don’t live to my words, based on my actions. Um, two words to you all, FUCK YOU. The same people who only see me maybe once a month?! If that even. It’s frustrating and the reason I keep my distance. Don’t tell me how to fix myself, work your magic to try and get into my head, without fixing yourself first. This psychology game won’t work on someone who has her own knowledge of one of her favorite topics. My actions will show that. I am not a light switch. I can’t change by midnight tomorrow, but those who are really paying attention to me, my actions, and my thoughts can tell you how much more of a confidence I lay out on a day to day basis. Just the fact that I am now reciting my own poetry, instead of performing someone else’s songs, can tell you my confidence is boosting. Another sign of my confidence, I am upfront about my past. Why try hiding it when it’s impossible to? (laughing).
|Conner R.K. Stratton aka
Conner K. Rouge aka
Conner Ravyn Knightly
I am not the type to put my first artistry family in the shadows, as I continue, and expand my skills and talents. Honestly, thanks to my “brother” Jonathan for mentioning how he misses performing, I have the same ache at the moment. The spotlight, the stage, and the creative visionary of stepping out of your comfort zone to create something new or bigger.
What I don’t miss is the stress, drama, judgements, competitions of who’s better, & tears that come with it. I have mixed feelings of no one recognizing me at shows anymore due to the glasses and hair being longer. I have mixed feelings when people make comments like, “You look better now!” -or- anything that contradicts them being Pro-LGBT because of my own ways of showing my support within the community by performing.
One of the reasons I reactivated my Conner page on Facebook is because the character I developed will always be a part of me. Like an actor and the characters they develop and deliver in movies, Broadway, or television. Drag shows are similar.
The irony to top that is the social embarkment on both ends. I seen it and I will have the confidence to call it out. I think it’s funny that the LGBT is warm and welcoming to those who are fully defined as a Lesbian or a Gay, but when it comes to the “inbetweeners” or the “confused”, so to speak, things get hasty. Especially when one puts the drag shoes up, changes teams, and changes their gears in life. Been there, done that. But my heart has never changed. Why I only stepped away from the community, but not my LGBT family. I’ve noted these same exact thoughts in my poems, I will tell you again. I don’t judge one based on their past, skin color, sexual orientation, or any other stupid stereotypical label that society has to make up and throw in any “minority’s” face. I never will. I ask you do the same. This is the motivation for my #OneLove movement. I take the stand and raise my voice for the LGBT community as a whole, along with society. From within and from outside the picture. Whether you are gay or straight, will you?
-Until Next Time