A Tale of Two Tails. Well, One and a Dubbed Tail.

If there is one thing I could probably do forever without feeling guilty of the lack of activities accomplished, it would be cuddling with my dogs. As of right now, we are watching the American Music Awards and see the current scoop in the music industry and chilling on this brisk, lazy day of rest. That, however, is not the focus of this blog. I want to tell you the tale of new hopes and new chapters in not just a human’s life, but in two small set of paws’ world. This experience for me has brought a lot of emotions and challenges, especially when my oldest came from an environment of raw bacon and poor training, and before that, an abusive environment.

Rescue dogs, in my experience, have more of a sense of blessings and loyalty than the average pups from breed owners that we purchase from. Why do I feel this way? I bought three dogs from breed owners before my current pets. Over $1,000 down the drain, due to the owners irresponsibility. Here’s the small history of the three short experiences I had before I get to my current four legged best friends.

The first dog I got from a breeder was a Cocker Spaniel. When I was choosing the pup from the crowd, I couldn’t help but notice a black furred pup sitting in the corner away from the rest of the pups, who were piling up on me at the time. I named this guy, Jax. Little did I know what mess I would get into with him before giving him up to my friend’s aunt. We found out Jax’s parents were over-bred and that would cause Jax to become overly aggressive. He was so aggressive, he destroyed one of my past apartments. You can say the security deposit went out the window after I moved. He currently resides in the country side to be able to run freely and not be coupe up in a small apartment.

As I was struggling with Jax, I decided to also buy a second dog. Duke came from a pug breeder. He had an eye infection since birth, but it wasn’t shown until after I had him for a few months. At first I thought Jax was to rough with Duke, but it was a deeper issue than what was surfaced. I couldn’t afford the dog’s surgery at the time, so I sent the little guy to a friend in Kansas. It was a life or death situation, and I wanted little Duke to live on and have a fulfilling life, even if I had to sacrifice the ownership. Duke is still residing with a family in Kansas and fully recovered successfully from the surgery.

In order to make up for the unfortunates, I informed the breeder of the situation, and to try and make things right, she sent me a second pup and I named her Scout. It was an instant bond. I would have still have had my second pug, Scout, today as well if I just have had chosen the pup sitter a bit wiser while I was put on military orders at my local Army base. But, at ten months old, he broke from his collar and ran away on a cold November evening. Sad,  but I look at the positives and pray someone found him instead of him not making it, at just ten months old, due to being a small breed, and alone on a cold Autumn night. I was broken when I lost my last dog. I don’t have the known status of Scout, but I pray he’s breathing and healthy, even if it’s in my hometown.

Rocky AKA “Bubba”

It would be a year and a half before I saw a calling to take in Rocky, a full bred Miniature Pinscher. A friend of mine was in a financial crisis at the time and needed to find new homes for his three dogs, as soon as possible. Unfortunately, I could hold one. When my friend sent me a picture of Rocky, I fell in love at first sight unlike any of my love relationships. There was one condition, I was the only one that my friend trusted to take in Rocky. He told me the story on how he saved Rocky from the events of abuse to the point of all four legs being broken and malnutrition to the point where he weighed less than ten pounds.

The first day I met Rocky was the day I would bring him home. He was the most territorial dog in my presence, but that’s not what disturbed me. What disturbed me was my friend’s boyfriend was feeding him raw bacon just to get him to warm up to me. He was already overweight from just living in that household. Lack of exercise, rotten teeth, and plus eating raw bacon? In a sense I was relieved he was coming home with me. I understood the beginning of this challenge, but I was confident to make the change for the better of Rocky. For the first two years, Rocky would make his home under furniture, away from me due to his own trust issues. We have had our ups and downs in the past three and a half years I have had him in my possession, but I don’t regret any of the moments that has made today a blessing for him and myself. At the age of nine, this dog is as healthy as can be, even if we can’t the damage that has been done. He understands my heart, fore he doesn’t mind cuddling up to me at night or whenever I need to rest my eyes along with his little brother, Bear.

As for Bear, I rescued him from our local humane society, which is also unfortunately a “kill” humane society.

Bear aka “Baby”

It was one of mine and Rocky’s downside of our relationship when I decided that maybe another dog would be beneficial for the household. How little did I know I was right. I wanted a dog that was a similar breed as Rocky. I searched the Humane Society ads and there was the little guy. A mix of Miniature Pinscher, Chihuahua, and/or possibly a Miniature Dachshund. I haven’t been able to verify his decedents, but I know it’s of those three with his bark, body structure, and fur color. 

He was very lively when we first met him, but as soon as we brought him into the house, he quickly tamed himself down. He’s more of a Mama’s boy as well. Bear likes to follow me around the house and cuddle close to me as much as he can. And when I come through the door after a shift from work or other business, he is at the door, wagging his tail playfully, and jumping for joy to see my face. Even if we go outside, he is one of those dogs who doesn’t slip far away from his owner. 

With the benefits of having Bear, Rocky has been able to open up more of himself to me. I think Rocky watches how me and Bear have bond and he seeks that kind of companionship. Both dogs have bonded very well together. I get a kick for when they play together or even cuddle with one another when I am not accessible, like now. 

Having both dogs in my life has help tremendously as well.  Especially during my personal bad days. They like to tag team their Mama and give me plenty of hugs and kisses when I am feeling down and it’s not to long that I am holding them close to me and just laying in solitude with them. Why becoming an introvert has become easier for a social butterfly like me, because my dogs occupy my time, even if it’s as annoying as getting into the garbage and tipping it over for leftovers that I may have attempted to throw away. I am blessed for the two tails that wave happily in my presence.

Bear vs. Slide

Until Next Time,

©H.M. Gautsch

If My Life Was Made Into a Mixtape. It Surely Would Be a Short One.

Last January I made my deployment soundtrack that defines my emotions and the physical and mental pain I went through. Almost a year later, I finally decided that I need to do more of these blogs, because more than anything, music is a huge part of my life and even a bigger influence for my poetry writing. It’s tough to find songs that define a majority of your life and the journey you have traveled, but I have searched and found the best. I wouldn’t doubt as I age and grow more that it’ll change or more additions will be added.  It isn’t about the genre of music, but it’s about the story behind the lyrics that leads me to my top favorite tracks and how I can relate to the lyrics through my own life trials, tribulations, and overcoming the events towards victory and control. Here we go!

“Mayberry” by Rascal Flatts

  • One of the top tracks that reminds me of where I come from. Also, getting my first guitar at the age of 16. I do wish I focused more on my music as a younger lass, but adolescent challenges took it away from me. Of course, I only have myself to blame, but from time to time I do pick up my current six-string and attempt to play it. I am starting to miss my clarinet skills as well.  I put my instruments down way too early in my life.     

“Heart of Gold” by James Blunt     

“And she sings, I want to know what love is    
But it seems to come with so much pain    
No one wants to show me    
It seems easier just to run away    
When I am gone it’s just a penny for my soul    
But God he knows, I got a heart of gold”

  • Regardless of my own various relationship trials, I remain with a heart of gold. Just don’t take my kindness for weakness, because I will stand up for myself, fore I respect myself to become a doormat unlike the desperate search I use to be on younger as a fool. 

    “One of the Guys” by Terri Clark
    My brother taught me how to throw a curve ball,  
    The cheerleadin’ thing never felt quite right. 
    When it comes to high fashion I hit a brick wall,  
    This girl’s just one of the guys…   

    I’m still a lady looking for the right man,  
    But he’s gotta take me, just the way I am.”

    • I embrace my tomboy ways, as I was raised around two older brothers. Don’t let my “toughness” fool you, because I am still a lady looking for the right man, just like Canada’s country artist, Terri Clark.

    “Everything” by Alanis Morissette 


    • No matter the changes in my life, my family has had my back since I was a little girl. I may not be the easiest person to get along with at times, due to my flaws. But I am blessed for the love I get from my immediate family and the extended family that offers their hand to me. I do my best to give back as much love as I have received when it comes to the backbone element in my life. Alanis couldn’t explain it any better. Plus, my brother had this song downloaded on my laptop when it was sent to me while I was stationed in Iraq. This song is dearly to my heart. 

      “Read All About It” by Professor Green f/ Emeli Sande

      “Only thing was I never saw enough of you  
      Last thing I said to you was I hated you, 
      I loved you but now it’s too late to say to you  
      Just didn’t know what to do and how to deal with it,  
      Even now deep down I’m still livid   
      To think, I use to blame me  
      I wonder what I did to make you hate me”

      •   British artist, Professor Green, lyrically explains perfectly the love/hate relationship a child has with a parent and with themselves when that parent walks out of their lives for their own selfish reasons.  

      “September” by Daughtry
      “Has it all gone to waste?    
      All the promises we made  
      One by one they vanish just the same

      Of all the things I still remember  
      Summer’s never looked the same  
      The years go by and time just seems to fly  
      But the memories remain”
      • September has always been my “New Year” kind of month throughout most of my life. Whether it’s starting any type of school, coming home from war, walking away from unhealthy relationships, etc. September has always been where a new chapter in my life has started or ended.

      “Heartland” by George Strait

      • We all have that one movie that defines our childhood. That one movie we still today put on repeat in the DVD player, Netflix, etc. The King of Country himself, George Strait, with his movie, Pure Country is mine. And the song “Heartland” is another humble reminder of how music for me needs to tell a story and how I was raised mainly on the best country music ever invented, as well as, in the heartland of America. 

      Until Next Time, 

      ©H.M. Gautsch 

      Follow The Rest of Society & You Will Get Lost

      I was going to tell a story about two tails in my household, but I decided to change the topic to the sexism war that seems to be going on and on and on in society nowadays. Sickening if you ask me, but hell I’ll jump on this bandwagon myself as an independent and single woman. There are three main issues when it comes to relationship falls nowadays.

      The Expected Looks: I am a prime example to never judge a book by its cover and I have beautiful friends with beautiful souls, who remind me of this. I get looks and majority of society fears to approach me unless I approach them first. If you knew the real me, you know just like a lot of other women and some men, I do have insecurities from time to time. Overall I am confident with myself, yes. But, the media and social networking articles tries to push us to be a certain way. It’s not how I want to live my life.

      Here is another stickler of today’s society and I see it in my very own. The whole immaturity issue between females and males. Somehow females feel they need to put themselves out sexually in order to get a man, but is that really the case? Males also think in order to get a good woman, it’s all about their images. If they don’t look like Hollywood material in society, it’s a losing game for that female.

      As people have observed about me, yes, I am a tomboy, through and through. I’m not afraid to get dirty. I am not afraid to work with a hammer. I love my X Box. I hate dresses, and with my body figure, I fit better in male/unisex clothing than women’s clothes. However, I make my fashion fit me as a woman. Nonetheless, it doesn’t justify me as a whole though. I do like to dress up every now, even with make-up from  time to time. I love my accessories when it comes to necklaces, scarves, hats, belts, bracelets, etc.

      As for my personality, character, and actions, you will see me through with my big heart. I involve myself wholeheartedly with numerous events, fundraisers, charities, & organizations. I also am a sucker for flowers, chocolate, animals, cuddling, relaxation baths, poetry, candles, holding hands, staying in and watching movies with pajamas on, and chivalry. I want to feel secured in my relationship as well, but not to the point of being controlled.  I am more old school when it comes to relationships. I want more of the emotions and intellectual conversations over the sexual exposures. I may not have a lot of cash in my possession, but one thing I learn, the true value is the gold that exists in your heart. I have inspired and influenced many men and women already with just my heart. I also have come across some unsecured situations as well, but it’s life.

      And like a woman, my insecurities use to control my life. Sadly, I use to put myself out there, because of the pressure of society. I felt I had to prove my sexuality to people, but I’ve grown. I know who I am and what I want in life and relationships. I am not budging. I have learned it’s okay to know what you are looking for and in order to know, you do have to make trials and errors in your life. I feel I have had enough of those to know exactly I want. If it takes years to be single in order to find my soul mate, so be it. 

      Six months ago, I was told I was turning into a “monk” because I wouldn’t allow myself to get involved with anyone or allow myself a “friend with benefits” package. Sorry, my heart doesn’t allow me to half ass my relationships. Is that even fair? I’m sorry, but my package is more than a sexual experience. I am too rich in intellectual tendencies to just jump on a train after pick-up lines like, “Send me pictures.” or “You need to jump on my cock.” I am one who wants to date and court, not just hook up. If you can’t love the one you’re with publicly, then don’t waste your time. I am not saying to put your business out for the paparazzi to feed their hunger like most celebrities do with their own soap operas, but don’t be afraid to tell your friends and family that you want to be with the person you are attracted to.

      The Expected Roles: Our generations are clashing with one another instead of evolving with one another and maybe that’s the cause of many segregation, as well as, labels and stereotypes that are displayed. The older school generations think there are entitlements to the sex/gender you represent. Women: housewife material, dish washing champions, Sunday church dresses, etc. Men: house provider, heavy liftin’ jobs, etc.

      Males need to stop talking with their little heads and start thinking with their bigger heads when it comes to women. Females need to stop whoring themselves. Females also need to become a bit more independent and confident in themselves with what they want in their life. If you want a true woman, you need to look within their hearts, not the access to their crotches, males. 

      Also, end the competitions of who should be what and who should make how much money. Swallow your prides. That’s the only compromise I see we need to make for success in relationships and how males and females should be in society. If you are in a relationship that makes you the bread maker, so be it. As long as you and your mate are in confidence about it. 

      Social Media: Also, another issue with social networking and media. Too many people are relying on interwebs instead of real life to date.  I am not perfect. I’ve done it myself in the past, but again, too many errors. I’ve learn you get a better success with relationships when you meet in real life and get involved with one another away from the internet. I love networking world-wide, don’t get me wrong, but don’t expect me to ever fall for someone based on their posts and statuses. Too many fake individuals online nowadays. Too many being people they are not, just to impress the few who are real. So how do you know I’m real? The only way to do that, I guess, is to meet me.

      In conclusion, both generations have issues with relationships today based off of the society that the media wants to throw at us. We are only living the lives that the media wants to portray and governments want to display. Why divorces are higher in the ranks than marriages. It’s time to breakaway from those chains and if you are happy in your relationship, more power and love to you all! If not, then maybe there needs to be changes?

      Both sexes need to accept one another for who they are and not trying to make them someone they are not. If you aren’t able to compromise comfortably with one another that maybe a red flag in the relationship itself. I’ll remain single until I find one who isn’t intimidated by the lifestyle I’m confidently living in.  I’ll remain single when I find the one who shares the same empathy with life and the world like I do, as well as, shares the same passion. 

      2013©H.M. Gautsch

      Kicking Motivation In People’s Ass With A Steel Toe Boot

      Courtesy of Veteran’s Today

      The clock is ticking. Fifty minutes before I have to be where I seriously don’t want to be. I barely have any motivation for my current employment at the moment anymore, but I have a job. 

      I really hate publicizing my personal life. I do. I am not writing this out of pity or asking for sympathy, because I feel I made the choices that got me here. Could employment be better? Yes. Could the economy be better? I fucking wish. 

      I do feel my life sucks, but I know it can always get worse. Even though I am on a brink right now, I keep pushing with whatever strength I have. I should be finishing up training in Virginia right now, with a second pay check from the military to take me to my vacation spot in Florida for another week. But, I am not. I am stuck back home in Wisconsin watching our first snow fall and watching our seasons change for winter rapidly. Rent is late this month. Because I work for a corporate that doesn’t feel like increasing their minions’ wages to be able to help them make a living. The corporate doesn’t even want to function with the government with the raise of minimum wage and yet they are the most successful corporation in the world.

      Am I doing anything about it? Yes, I am applying at other jobs, all the while, continuing to try to per sue my dreams in writing the best I can right now. I had a goal to be moved out to California by my 28th birthday in June, but that opportunity seems to be getting throwing out the window. 

      Courtesy of Stylez Fine Arts

      I don’t hardly socialize anymore, unless I am able to afford to go out for dinner.  I am tired of the bar scene and that’s all this society I currently reside in are all about. I even stopped going to karaoke. We have the largest six-pack in the world at our local brewery. Every year during Oktoberfest, college kids feel it’s beyond cool to flip cars and go fucking crazy. Sad, but true.

      On to better news, I am also swallowing my pride and seeing if I can get assistance from the Veteran’s Affairs to assist me to get back on my feet, permanently. It’s frustrating, because I am one of those struggling veterans when the rest of the people I surround myself with are doing amazing, whether it’s with finances, families, friends, fame, etc. So it sucks that I need all this help and I can’t sense to find anyone who has the same issues that I do when it comes to life. 

      Regardless of all my current issues, I am still blessed. I got two best friends that are furry and weighs less than twenty pounds. I still have my hearing to embrace my music inducing moments. I have my eye sight to embrace my movie inducing moments as well.  I still have a roof over my head even if rent is late from time to time. Shows how supportive my landlord has been during my struggles, past and present. I may not have a companion to share my life struggles and success with, but I also am not a single mother stranded in this world with welfare. I have a mother, stepfather, two brothers, their girlfriends, & three nephews, who are all healthy as healthy can get. I also have a vehicle, with a monthly payment of course, and not of a GEO Spectrum kind. Do they even make those things anymore?! Anyway, if I do lose my apartment, at least I have a place to stay warm, especially for this winter… And that’s in my truck.

      All kidding aside, I could be sitting worse than what I am now, no matter how much my life sucks. Did I mention I can still manage to pay my internet bill, so I can write this for you, my audience? A lot is going on in my life at the moment, but at least I am not sitting on my ass feeling sorry for myself. I am trying to take as much action as I am able too. I learned from the Army life of, “Hurry Up & Wait.” That is at every aspect in life. 

      So if you feel like life isn’t feeding you sugar coated candy, think of me or better yet, think of a homeless vet that is trying to get the help that I am able to receive at this moment in my life. Life is all about perspective of things. It does suck to try and think of positive outcomes when your emotionally drained and washed up with depression and anxiety. I deal with that shit on a day to day basis too. What isn’t right with me, I often ask? What the hell motivates me to not give up? The hope and prayers that I can be one who makes a difference in enough peoples’ lives to save theirs like my heroes has saved mine in more than a couple times in my life’s testaments that God has given me. Roy Dupuis & Romeo Dallaire. Look them up. My inspirations on an every day basis, no matter how many tears are shed or how many things get thrown in the house.

      Until Next Time…

      2013©H.M. Gautsch

      The Miami Dolphins Should Have Their Own Lifetime Movie

      Courtesy of “Quotes For The Mind”

      Better yet, let us feed another desperate reality television show on Richard Incognito to the eyes of children because they don’t have enough of that expressing on today’s television programs. Criticism has weighed in heavily with the bullying episode of Jonathan Martin vs. Richard Incognito down in the land of Dane County. I find it surprising on how many people are supporting Richard Incognito, even with the proof of the voice mail from Jonathan Martin’s cell phone in NFL’s hands.

      Courtesy of ESPN

      Now, Incognito is a big dude. So why does he need to bully to prove his strength and his alpha personality, so to speak? Why is it always the bigger kids are the ones showing more short-man syndrome than the smaller kids? I just don’t understand the behavior at all nor understand how adults think it’s okay for kids to grow up as bullies. Haven’t we learned yet that the smaller children, usually the ones with the brains, usually always comes out on top in the end? It’s karma. Try to keep others on the bottom of the food chain, you become the bottom. That is, if they don’t commit suicide. Another sour taste in the mouth. Don’t you think?

      Too many have given up on their lives due to hurtful words. Hell, if you look at it in a world’s perspective, humanity is known for it’s bullying affect to the rest of the species that are trying to co-exist with us. What is the reason behind it? Insecurity? Listen, I got my own insecurities too. All of humanity does one way or another, but I also have enough confidence and morals to know what is right and what is wrong in any given situation. The confidence builds with the education I am interest in and allow myself to take in.

      Courtesy of CBS Sports

      The stories I hear about this situation makes me sad. Whether to believe them or not is not the case here. So what if Jonathan Martin isn’t mentally strong as the average man should be. So what if he’s a bit sensitive, but I strongly believe the strongest men are those who aren’t afraid to show their emotions from time to time. He didn’t feel he found the support he needed so he removed himself from the situation instead of hurting himself and hurting someone else like Richard Incognito. 

      Do I blame him for walking away and reporting the situation? No. I don’t usually take sides on situations, but bullying and people who support Incognito is ethically wrong. It’s just sad that there isn’t enough of people raising their voice in awareness of bullying. Yes, I also feel we all need thicker skin, but who here really has thicker skin? The one who chooses to lash out on verbal abuse, possibly violence, and become the one people feared, or the one who stayed civilized as possible and did what he has simply learned. We are not taught the same with how to handle a problem that may be getting out of hand. We are taught by what our nurturing elements teach us whether it’s family or friends. That is if we are taught at all. Let’s look at the brighter side if this. Let us be happy that he swallowed his pride and got the help he needed when he needed it before it was too late.Let us look at Martin being the stronger man in this for getting the help he needs instead of letting it run his life or his NFL career in this case. Let us pray that he recovers from the emotional scars that were stabbed in his back from his own teammate that outsiders would have considered like family. Isn’t that how we see all our favorite teams? All we see is the “bromance”, not the struggles behind the cameras when they go off air. This is just some old dirty laundry of Incognito’s that Martin just had the courage to hang out on the clothesline. Whether he was right or wrong to be the one to do so, karma and time will reveal the truth of it. Now I can possibly see why Reggie Bush wasn’t hesitant to leave the team when he was released.

      Until Next Time…

      2013©H.M. Gautsch